For a number of days I felt strong and often wondered if I would be spared of the virus. Then on Sunday, I began to feel really sick. Hot on the inside, which the thermometer reading confirmed as high fever! That was two days ago. Since then my fever continues. Lower during the daytime but much higher in the wee hours of the morning. Yesterday, I had very little appetite for anything - whether it was food, or even to while away the time reading or browsing through the internet. I also worried about my fever as the doctor said that the highness of it was quite unusual for Covid. I am being asked to undergo blood test so that more can be determined. In the meantime, I was given a prescription for antibiotic, steroid, and an anti-viral. I started on these, plus the traditional Chinese medicine called Lian Hua, which some swear by as being very good for fever.
Perhaps because of the now overload of meds, my body feels a bit off. Perhaps the battles within are now raging and in full-blast: virus vs antibody vs antibiotic vs auto-immune antibodies, etc. The result: a nauseous feeling for me, and a bitter taste in the tongue. But thank God that I can still taste!
We shall know the results of the swab test by tomorrow morning. Whatever it will be, I am calmer now in believing that we shall be well. Yes, all shall be well. We just have to continue with patience, and loads of self-care.
***
While burning with fever, sweating it out, what has given me much consolation are the greens around. There is nothing like greens to sooth the spirit.
The greens, the constant running water coming from the pond, the waves of wind/fresh air, and the soft 'Vespers' music of Arnel Aquino on flute and violin... all of these make for a restorative sanctuary for healing. All these amidst the battle with Covid.
As my fever subsides (most hopefully it will), and if I still have to self-isolate, I think I can now start recuperating in style. As long as the mind can be quiet, empty, just fully present in the moment. There is still a lot of life to be lived. A lot of good to be done.
Even now, while with fever and body malaise, I notice I have already started to pull back from the daily grind, from being the do-er, always trying to get one step ahead of the situations and making sure needs of everyone are met. These days I have had to receive more than I could give, of care. I have also pulled back from wanting to to do more for others. I like this slowing down. Slowing down to de-clutter and to make space for a few good things.
It's like transferring the focus from the garden as a whole, to just one or two leaves and now just being present to the big leaf in all its inner design. This is just as full as a garden at large.
Every morning while having breakfast, my eyes get drawn towards the big leaf. God is in the leaf. How can He not be when the designs it carries are so naturally symmetrical. When I "take in" the leaf, I feel His presence.
***
One more thing, the most important thing about our battle experience, is that I am witnessing how our children are such good children. Without being asked or directed to do so, they have been discussing among themselves what responsibilities to take on to help with this situation. They have also often reminded me to take a back seat and that they want to learn to do some of the things that I have usually done, like the sourcing of supplies, or even contacting for medical help. They have also been considerate of our househelp and making sure that she too is equipped with 'battle gear' and stays as safe as possible. They tasked themselves to monitor our health status and have devised efficient systems to do so. They discuss among themselves and are a support for each other. My heart feels full when I witness them, when I just allow myself to be still and be present to them.
***
So with all of the above blessings and resources we are graced with during this battle, who am I to be afraid?
Though we walk in the dark valley, we do not fear, for You are with us always ++
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