loving gaze

 photo by j. festin Except for one of us, all the rest in our household are fully vaccinated. But because of the delta variant, we still need to be very careful about distancing, not catching something from someone outside. What a life! I can imagine how young children growing up during these times are really growing up in a different world.  For a while, we thought that after suffering through the painful effects of the vaccinations, that we could look forward to going out and having a lot more freedom of movement and interaction. But not so. So it is becoming very clear that making a go of our life now has a lot to do with living with this reality of covid. It will be here to stay for a number of years. How many, we really do not know. Even the reality of people getting sick and some dying during these times, we need to make space for. To accept, to live with. To still hold ourselves together in hope, and in faith. As I realise this, I realise too that one key to maintaining...

  "One season following another, laden with happiness and tears..." goes the song Sunrise, Sunset from the broadway musical "Fidler on the Roof."   This view has been my constant companion throughout the past months. When I wake up in the morning, I tend to look right away at the window to get an idea about what time it may be at that moment. Usually the sky is still dark blue, then gradually it grows fairer and lighter. Then at a certain point, start streaming through the window. When the light is strong enough, I try to position myself on the bed in such a way as to receive direct sunlight. Free medicine for the bones. Free dose of vitamin D!  Later into the morning, the window view becomes too bright so I close the thin curtains to filter out the light and heat. By the afternoon though, the light is kinder and I open the curtains to invite more of the view of the trees in.  By late afternoon, the light becomes even more gentle, till it finally settles in...

The sun'll come out tomorrow Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow There'll be sun Just thinkin' about tomorrow Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow 'Til there's none When I'm stuck a with day that's gray and lonely I just stick out my chin and grin, and say, oh The sun'll come out tomorrow So you gotta hang on 'til tomorrow Come what may Tomorrow, tomorrow I love ya tomorrow You're always a day away When I'm stuck a with day that's gray and lonely I just stick out my chin and grin, and say, oh The sun'll come out tomorrow So you gotta hang on 'til tomorrow Come what may Tomorrow, tomorrow I love ya tomorrow You're always a day away Tomorrow, tomorrow I love ya tomorrow You're always a day away -  Martin Charnin / Charles Strouse Thank you Lord, that vaccinations have been developed, and roll out has been happening. Even though so far it has been mostly been rolled out in the US and China, we know that eventually a lot mo...

Our Lady of Lourdes  Franc e HOLY THURSDAY On Holy Thursday, feeling very weary in this battle, I reached the point of near surrender. Unfortunately, this point of surrender was not to the will of God, but rather to declaring myself as ready to give up. It's hard to describe the actual happening within. I have gone through many crises in the past, including some extremely difficult ones. But I have always been a survivor. In the midst of suffering, I would have sufficient inner strength to forge on. Usually, spiritual armour would just be by my side. Plus will, faith, and a conviction that with help and support, all would be well. I am now 60 years old, so it has been decades that these various armour have served me well. Until last month. On Holy Thursday, my spirit felt drained. I knew in my heart I wanted to and felt ready to go. I honestly and sincerely knew that in the past years, our forgiving God would continue to love me if ever I said, "Lord, I have already lived a li...

  On the first night that I was in the hospital, I immediately felt a strong draft coming from the air condition. The wind was blowing straight at my arms and made me feel cold. I already had a phobia and fear of getting chilled, and began to feel bothered by this draft. After struggling with the situation for some time, I thought of asking the nurse on duty to cover the aircon's blinds with cardboard. The nurse very accommodatingly went straight to the task. She did a great job of securing the cardboard cover over the blinds with the use of medical tape!  The following day, Holy Wednesday, I was told that they would put me on remdesvir treatment. The drug was out of stock in many hospitals around the city due to the high number of covid cases everywhere, but fortunately this hospital had supply. What a relief! At least treatment could start very soon. Because it had to be administered intravenously, the IV line had to be installed.  The nurses seemed to sweat a lot and s...

  The song "Love Story" starts with the line, "Where do I begin, to tell the story of how great a love can be?"  I would like to now begin by borrowing that opening line and say, "Where do I begin,  to tell the story of.... what a journey this COVID can be?"  So much has happened since my last entry here on March 23. I feel as if I traveled around the world and back. It has been a long journey - of descent into the darkness of illness, to the gradual ascent back into a new chance at life. Though it has been more than a month since I returned home from a 9-day stay at the hospital, I have not yet sat down to write about the whole experience. But I shall gradually attempt to do so now. Fever and pain actually started last March 21. By that time, I was already at least four days into self-isolation, which started on the eve of March 17. I felt generally fine on those four days even as my husband and one of our children exhibited covid symptoms and were also i...